Feeling some kind of way....

10:35am

Well world.....I've tried to be happy all morning. I fed my son & he passed out.

I'm watching a movie & trying to find my center. But I just can't seem to.
I'm so irritated....I'm feeling really...blah. Iunno why. I'm also so tired of seeing these women that are in the clubs all the time & half dressed complaining about the fact they can't find a man.
When men are always drooling over them.

But here's the thing. Its not all about that pretty face, that makeup, those heels.......
Its what u have on the inside. If a man think you don't respect yourself, or you have self esteem issues, they will take advantage. I've tried to empower and uplift, but a lot of them just don't want to get it. They don't wanna grow up.

As for me.....

I've been here....praying, confessing, asking God to order my steps...I've handed everything over to him. The only thing I need to work on is patience. Because when ppl don't move, or answer when I think/feel that they should, it upsets me.
Just once, just once I want someone 2 be as bold as me. Not because I tell them to be, not because its what I WANT, but because they WANT 2...
Because being with me is the most important thing, under God.
My Lancelot.....*tears*

11:21 am

As I lay here....a thought hit me....
I don't wanna end up like the women in my family.......my God....

My grandmother had been treated badly, but had been with my grandfather for years. She had been abused at one point, cheated on....but she still remained this beautiful spirit....
She passed from Emphysema....all because of the second hand smoke...
She died tied to a man that wasn't really there....

One aunt passed because she was ill....and didn't have anyone. 2 girls, by 2 different men, and both did her wrong.
She died alone.....

My other aunt passed because she was ill also....she had Multiple Sclerosis....and her Ex Husband, who cheated and did her beyond dirty....stressed her on purpose, so she would become sicker....she couldn't even understand us, or comprehend anything when she passed.....
She died alone....

All of the most important & influential women in my life *sobbing* Passed away, sick, and without knowing that its possible for a man to do right by them....

I don't want that for me.....
I want them to look down on me and smile....because I changed my stars. Because something else is in store for me......I don't want to die....alone....
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